I think in order to create a balance on here, I'll alternate posts between then and the current moment.  This way I can be productive in sharing my story and at the same time, I can include some of the 'life' aspect to this blog.  The posts will totally overlap in some ways, I'm sure of it, but that really isn't a bad thing.

The past few days, well from last Sunday to today, I have been in Cape Cod.  My family only returned to our home state hours ago.  I have to say this trip was one of the better times I've had at the cape.

First of all, it was a complete treat to get to go on vacation.  Back when I was diagnosed, and later when realizing the extent of my treatment, vacation seemed like a tease.  Something unattainable.  (See, there I go with the cancer overlap!)  However, being on a 2 week break from arsenic, I was able to go sit on the beach for a few days.  It would have been even better to have been able to stay longer, but alas, I have to have the dressing on my picc line changed once a week...aka tomorrow.

Anyhoozle, vacation was wonderful.  We kept it super simple this year.  Mostly just being lazy on the beach, cutting out our usual trip to Province Town from the trip.  I enjoyed it more this way, just having time to sit and settle on the sand, to not worry about going here and going there.  It was pleasant.

There were still some definite highlights from the trip.
1. Day one, there was a firework show right on the beach five minutes from where we stayed.  It was such a treat to arrive and then later that day get to see a surprise display of...the BEST fireworks I have ever seen.  Period.
2. The ATRA (oral chemo) that I take twice daily, makes me more susceptible to sunburns.  I found the perfect balance of sunscreen to time in the sun and for once in years, developed a perfect tan.  Muahaaha taking advantage of medicine in a not-so-responsible way.  Oops.
3. Lobster.  Need I say more?
4. Finally seeing 21 Jump Street.  I freaking loved it.  We watched it 2 times on the trip!

 

The only reasonably downside to the whole time was that I only swan in the ocean once.  The picc line taped to my arm has to be protected from water, and I do have a sleeve that does the job.  The only issue is sweat sometimes does more damage than water, so by the second hot beach day, the site was already lose and to prevent it from being torn off I opted to stay out of the water.  Really that was the only bummer the whole trip so I can't complain.

As I said, right now I'm back home and on monday I begin round 2/3 of the arsenic treatments!  Hopefully the next five weeks go by at a fast pace!  Bring on fall!

Before I Knew

Cancer is a crazy thing.  Sometimes you realize that maybe the mole on your back isn't as innocent as you thought.  Perhaps the bad health and breathing difficulty is a result of all the cigarettes you smoked back in the day.  Or maybe you just know that the lump in your breast is a little funky and should be checked out...

Other times cancer springs up unannounced, and only when you are sitting in an emergency room bed do you realize that cancer is to blame for the freaky bruises that mark their territory on your body.

In the spring when I began to notice the bruising on my arms, and the slight bleeding in my gums, the last thing on my mind was leukemia.  Perhaps because a nasty bruise here and there isn't too fear-provoking, especially for a klutz like myself.  And sure, of course wisdom teeth that are trying to move into the mouth could irritate the gums and cause a bit of blood.  I could try to say that in the back of my mind I knew something was terribly wrong but I'd be lying.  Heck, I was at school prepping for my stressful final exams.  The last thing that was on my mind was whether or not my body had been invaded by something much more serious than my stat & bio notes.

Bruises: 

The bruise on my arm happened randomly, I can only guess that it probably happened when I was sleeping.  My dorm bed was against my wall, as per the norm, and I would ALWAYS whack my arm against the wall.  But it was so unusual that it was spreading.  My mom jokes now that multicolored and large, it looked like a tattoo sleeve.  

     

This image is of the progression (starting top left going clockwise) of my knee, after walking into a trailer hitch.  For anyone who does not know, it is a large metal sphere located in the back of certain cars, making it possible to tow heaving trailers, etc.  While it was severely painful, it should not have escalated to looking like a crime scene.

While the bruises were strange, I was persistent about not getting them looked at.  One of the main reasons was because mother's day was coming up and if by chance something was really wrong, I didn't want to have my mom hear bad news on her big day.  Is that weird?  I mean I think it makes sense that I was trying to protect my family from any bad news.  At that point I had begun to start self diagnosing myself online, and of course, like any other evening of checking symptoms... Google led me to cancer.  But that can happen even if you diagnose a cut or a dizzy spell.  My family used to laugh about how in any case, cancer would always be the answer when of course that would be unrealistic and impossible.

Finally, about a week after mother's day, my body was starting to scare me.  I spent my time texting friends with pictures of my arms and legs and asking what they thought could possibly be wrong.  Finally I had a serious conversation with my mom and after speaking to my doctor, he agreed to give my knee a look after my brother had his checkup.    

So that Monday (the 21st) there I was sitting in my doctor's office in New York, completely clueless as to what my doctor would say.  He literally took one look at my leg and jumped about a foot back with a completely shocked look on his face.  I doubt he had ever seen anything like it.  Because it was getting too late in his office to draw blood for labs, he wrote us up some orders for them to be done early the next morning.  It was strange because he kept looking at me, as if her knew (although now after asking him he claims he had no clue leukemia could be it) and I had a gut feeling that it was way more serious than I had pretended it to be back at college when the first bruise popped up.

Monday I had blood work.  I wasn't freaked out because the way I see it, it is ten thousand times better to know a problem and to face it head on, rather than living in the dark with a false hope of normalcy.

It wasn't until later that day, when my mom and dad and brother and I were all sitting around in the family room, when the phone rang and my head began to spin...

xoxo A

Hi & Welcome!

Currently an hour before midnight on 8/13

It has been almost 3 months since the day I heard the words "you have cancer" and it feels like a lifetime ago.  I plan to use this site to document every step of the trail I've been on so far, and I will continue to update over at least the next five years, which is the time that is ahead of me until I can finally be 100% sure I won't be stuck with this leukemia again.  Or so they say...

For this first entry, I'll only address the basics of who I am.  I think it's important to establish a relationship with whomever decides to read this.  While I know the posts will jumble back and forth between current events in my day to day life, and posts that look back on the early days of this, for now let's keep it simple.  Ten facts about me, that's sufficient enough I think.

1. I live in Connecticut, USA

2. My absolute favorite tv show of all time is Friday Night Lights.  Followed by: Vampire Diaries, Gossip Girl and Pretty Little Liars.  Yikes!

3. One of my best friends is someone I met via the internet.  Sounds sketchy but it's totally not!  

4. I sort of love piercings.  I just had my tragus re-done a week ago as of 8/14.

5. I guess I can now say that I officially collect books, a new obsession of mine!

6. I have successfully kept almost 7 journals since November 2, 2008.  This means that journaling is super important to me.

7. My 'moment of weakness' snack used to be oreos but is currently cheddar & sour cream ruffles.

8. I've had my freshman year of college this past year and let's just say it was an experience...

9. Almost forgot, I'm 18!

10. I don't have any (good) nicknames and that's really all I want.

Maybe those weren't the most important things to know about me, but hey, it's a start.  And I am positive that with each new entry you will gain more and more knowledge about who I am as a person...more info. than you'd like to know!  So for now I'll say goodbye, and hopefully this blog will be everything I plan for it to be!  Thanks!

xoxo A